East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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