Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
