I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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