I wanna passion pit in your ass
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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