dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
