I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
