just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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