there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
