I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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