So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
