Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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