let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you would pick up someone in the library
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she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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