words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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