these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
