I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
