is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize