So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
