guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
