I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
