when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
