White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
