If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
