If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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