could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
