11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
