Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
