Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
