I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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