What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
