im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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