i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
