if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
