i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
