i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
