okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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