you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
