yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize