in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
