Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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