Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
