Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
