God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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