This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
