So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
