What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
