It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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