i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Quick, to the slutcave!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
