your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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