Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
