So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
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You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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