a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize