his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
