Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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