i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
