jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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