genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
