I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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