Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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