my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
