If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
