dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
