Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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