walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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