We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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