The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I deserve this hangover.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
