a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
