she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
