The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
