Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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