Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
